Keep it SIMPLE. All is me in me and all is you in you.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
To my Mother!
I miss you with all my heart. This week has been terrible, it's my mother's birthday today. She would have been 43 today. I lost my job, I have no idea what the hell happen with that. This last weekend I found out that my grandfather is not going to make it; he has diabetes. To top it off I found out that my father has diabetes as well. It's not that bad though. It has just been a long day. Life can really be hurtful sometimes. I really just want all this to go away. I'm drunk. This sucks.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Four in the morning convo with self.
Okay. So another night drinking red PN and thinking of life. It's just that this night I painted all night. I was just trying to distract myself from what was really going on in my mind. And of course without a doubt it's about a guy. AHGGGGGG.....They are all so frustrating. The testosterone is just giving me a headache and yet the painting didn't distract me at all b/c I have so much built up. Grand.
Maybe I should give you some back ground information about why I'm so bitter about men. When I was 17 I moved from Texas to California to live with my Aunt SK; by the way she has never been married or has never had children. (I have lived in three different states before I was 17 and no my father was not in the military.) Long story short I moved from California when I was 21 to CO for a guy (again of course) I lived in CO for nine months Aug-May. (I learned to love it, b/c I taught myself to snowboard) and so happy that I moved there to experience life in a different dynamic. Then I thought it was a great idea to move to Jackson Hole, WY with him. Now that on the other hand was stupid. (I still won't take it back though, I was crazy out there though. HA.) Anyways, my ex and I stayed in Jackson from May through October. Then I rented a Uhaul to get myself the hell out of Jackson, it's a beautiful place but in all reality everyone is a drunk, they are mostly depressed and the cancer rate there is higher then most of the US. (I love all of the friends I made there, it was just not for me...ohh and all the tourist drove me insane.). Back to the Uhaul; so my ex and I drove a Uhaul from Jackson,WY to Manhattan Beach, CA. Again long story short, I was suppose to be in living with my Aunt in the MB but it didn't work out after I put everything I own in storage in El Segundo, CA about 5 min away from the MB. I basically had no where to go and my Aunt was suggesting for my to live in the hostel on the HB pier until I figured out where to live and where to work, and just to let you know I had about $50 to my name. So I didn't have much of a chose then to call my father and for him to get be out of this situation. (BTW my mother is no longer with us and my Aunt is my mother's sister) He bought me a bus ticket to Kerrville,TX. (Where I was legally born although the hospital I was born in, the town thought it was a great idea to buldoze down, the land is now going to be a doggy park) HA. So freackin CUTE. I'm here in Kerrville which is best known for their hills, rehab and all the senior citizens running around.
Surprisingly I am happy and filled with joy. No sarcasm. It might be b/c I'm not with my ex anymore (we had a great relationship but we just fell apart.) but I think I have my own life now. I'm living on my own and being happy being me. Okay but this brings be back to what I was originally talking about, sorry I got off subject entirely. GUYS. I hate them right now....and that's that. Don't judge.
Ps. ask questions, I don't judge and really don't give two shits...some days I just need to write something down. You will soon see.
Maybe I should give you some back ground information about why I'm so bitter about men. When I was 17 I moved from Texas to California to live with my Aunt SK; by the way she has never been married or has never had children. (I have lived in three different states before I was 17 and no my father was not in the military.) Long story short I moved from California when I was 21 to CO for a guy (again of course) I lived in CO for nine months Aug-May. (I learned to love it, b/c I taught myself to snowboard) and so happy that I moved there to experience life in a different dynamic. Then I thought it was a great idea to move to Jackson Hole, WY with him. Now that on the other hand was stupid. (I still won't take it back though, I was crazy out there though. HA.) Anyways, my ex and I stayed in Jackson from May through October. Then I rented a Uhaul to get myself the hell out of Jackson, it's a beautiful place but in all reality everyone is a drunk, they are mostly depressed and the cancer rate there is higher then most of the US. (I love all of the friends I made there, it was just not for me...ohh and all the tourist drove me insane.). Back to the Uhaul; so my ex and I drove a Uhaul from Jackson,WY to Manhattan Beach, CA. Again long story short, I was suppose to be in living with my Aunt in the MB but it didn't work out after I put everything I own in storage in El Segundo, CA about 5 min away from the MB. I basically had no where to go and my Aunt was suggesting for my to live in the hostel on the HB pier until I figured out where to live and where to work, and just to let you know I had about $50 to my name. So I didn't have much of a chose then to call my father and for him to get be out of this situation. (BTW my mother is no longer with us and my Aunt is my mother's sister) He bought me a bus ticket to Kerrville,TX. (Where I was legally born although the hospital I was born in, the town thought it was a great idea to buldoze down, the land is now going to be a doggy park) HA. So freackin CUTE. I'm here in Kerrville which is best known for their hills, rehab and all the senior citizens running around.
Surprisingly I am happy and filled with joy. No sarcasm. It might be b/c I'm not with my ex anymore (we had a great relationship but we just fell apart.) but I think I have my own life now. I'm living on my own and being happy being me. Okay but this brings be back to what I was originally talking about, sorry I got off subject entirely. GUYS. I hate them right now....and that's that. Don't judge.
Ps. ask questions, I don't judge and really don't give two shits...some days I just need to write something down. You will soon see.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Quotes that touch my soul!
"I'll never 'get over' the death of my mother. It is a stone that will always weigh heavy in my heart."
-Letters From Motherless Daughters
"It won't last forever nothing ever does." & "Send me light and love every time you think of me" -EPL
"Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, No hell below us, above us only sky, Imagine all the people, living for today.
Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too, Imagine all the people, living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one. Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can, No need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man, Imagine all the people, sharing all the world. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one." -John Lennon
“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” -Buddha
“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”-Albert Einstein
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." -Marilyn Monroe
-Letters From Motherless Daughters
"It won't last forever nothing ever does." & "Send me light and love every time you think of me" -EPL
"Imagine there's no heaven, it's easy if you try, No hell below us, above us only sky, Imagine all the people, living for today.
Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do, Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too, Imagine all the people, living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one. Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can, No need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man, Imagine all the people, sharing all the world. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one." -John Lennon
“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” -Buddha
“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”-Albert Einstein
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." -Marilyn Monroe
You are not ALLOWED to shop.
I was completely not proactive today. I have a shopping problem. Some days are better than others but unfortunately I still have yet to figure out how to stop myself. I don't think I have fully ever addressed my shopping addiction to myself. Same people think they know what I am talking about, but I honestly will take any excuse to spend money even if I don't have it. And that's real talk. :)) The one thing I did right, I have never had a credit card. I would have so much debt. HA.
So I'm trying to figure out ways to stop this expensive way of life.
I read on a web-site, addictions can be caused by feeling a since of emptiness in one's life. I fully believe that could be true. Any suggestions on a new hobbies or anything to stop me from shopping?!! I do need help. HA.
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