Four in the morning convo with self.

Okay. So another night drinking red PN and thinking of life. It's just that this night I painted all night. I was just trying to distract myself from what was really going on in my mind. And of course without a doubt it's about a guy. AHGGGGGG.....They are all so frustrating. The testosterone is just giving me a headache and yet the painting didn't distract me at all b/c I have so much built up. Grand.

Maybe I should give you some back ground information about why I'm so bitter about men. When I was 17 I moved from Texas to California to live with my Aunt SK; by the way she has never been married or has never had children. (I have lived in three different states before I was 17 and no my father was not in the military.)  Long story short I moved from California when I was 21 to CO for a guy (again of course) I lived in CO for nine months Aug-May. (I learned to love it, b/c I taught myself to snowboard) and so happy that I moved there to experience life in a different dynamic.  Then I thought it was a great idea to move to Jackson Hole, WY with him. Now that on the other hand was stupid. (I still won't take it back though, I was crazy out there though. HA.) Anyways, my ex and I stayed in Jackson from May through October. Then I rented a Uhaul to get myself the hell out of Jackson, it's a beautiful place but in all reality everyone is a drunk, they are mostly depressed and the cancer rate there is higher then most of the US. (I love all of the friends I made there, it was just not for me...ohh and all the tourist drove me insane.).  Back to the Uhaul; so my ex and I drove a Uhaul from Jackson,WY to Manhattan Beach, CA. Again long story short, I was suppose to be in living with my Aunt in the MB but it didn't work out after I put everything I own in storage in El Segundo, CA about 5 min away from the MB. I basically had no where to go and my Aunt was suggesting for my to live in the hostel on the HB pier until I figured out where to live and where to work, and just to let you know I had about $50 to my name. So I didn't have much of a chose then to call my father and for him to get be out of this situation. (BTW my mother is no longer with us and my Aunt is my mother's sister) He bought me a bus ticket to Kerrville,TX. (Where I was legally born although the hospital I was born in, the town thought it was a great idea to buldoze down, the land is now going to be a doggy park) HA. So freackin CUTE.  I'm here in Kerrville which is best known for their hills, rehab and all the senior citizens running around.

Surprisingly I am happy and filled with joy. No sarcasm. It might be b/c I'm not with my ex anymore (we had a great relationship but we just fell apart.) but I think I have my own life now. I'm living on my own and being happy being me. Okay but this brings be back to what I was originally talking about, sorry I got off subject entirely. GUYS. I hate them right now....and that's that. Don't judge.

Ps. ask questions, I don't judge and really don't give two shits...some days I just need to write something down. You will soon see.